What is in a name?

This whole situation is seriously depressing to me...I know it is stupid, but come on it is my name! My boss and her brother are continuing to spell my name wrong. Maybe it isn't a big deal.

Maybe I am over reacting, but damnit, it is my name, mine. The name that my parents gave me after they decided that my real name was too formal for every day use. It is 5 freaking letters! FIVE! That isn't very many. They however seem to think it is 6 letters, they add an extra letter....or double a letter, whichever.

Regardless, they spell my name wrong constantly. At first I though whatever, but now that we are part of a much larger corporation, it bothers me. They include my misspelled name to people outside of the company, who are now spelling my name wrong, who then send out more emails to other people who then will go on to spell my name wrong. It is a whole name misspelling epidemic...of my name!

I kind of like my name, and I really like my name spelled the way my parents spelled it when I was born. It feels that by misspelling it, it is not me. I know this is so stupid, but it really isn't me. Not with the double consonant starring at me each time I read my email.

Besides as I have said before, I have been here for six years, and in all of those six years, my name, its been spelled the same way that whole time!

I have stood up for myself in the past on this issue, only to be completely blown off, but I really think that I need to put my foot down, and say 'no more'! Spell my name right damnit! It just hurts you know...it is like they can't even take the freaking time to figure out how to spell one of their 40 employees names.

What do you guys think I should do? Better yet, how do I tactfully put my foot down, stand my ground and let them know that this bothers me? Especially, Grande you know all of this, but recently I have been speaking my mind about the thing I feel are wrong about the office. They haven't of course been received well, but at least I am getting my feelings out there. So how with all of that, do I respectfully say, SPELL MY FUCKING NAME RIGHT!?!

bad coffee and multiple personalities

A sign of a good Monday morning: I burnt my tongue on weekend old coffee...
Apparently the longer the coffee sits in the industrial pot, the hotter it gets. It burnt the hell out of my tongue this morning and let me with the acidic burnt taste that goes along with burnt weekend old coffee. Not a good way to start the day or the week.

More and more people in the office are showing signs of MPD - Multiple Personality Disorder. For years I have been convinced that my boss and her brother are sufferers, they really are scary some times...one minute so super sweet and nice, the next ready to rip off your head...

Today another person showed some definite signs of maybe having more than one person living inside his head...

Via email and phone calls he was more than willing to help me with a problem I was having...however in a meeting later on, he acted as though we had never spoken...and seemed very unwilling to help me. Then I get back to my desk and he calls, offering to help, as though the meeting earlier had never taken place! ARUGH! Was he hiding his help or was there something else more sinister going on... ;-)

Who knows, maybe I am the one who is crazy!

Strange Dreams

So I had more strange dreams last night, but not like the other ones...these weren't scary, just really strange.

I had a dream that I was house sitting for someone, not sure whom, but the house was huge and had a lake underneath it, which was nice for swimming and canoeing and that kind of stuff.

The next thing I know is that the dream has morphed and now my brother is getting married (for those of you who know my little brother, this isn't even anything that could be remotely close to happening), so it is a bit odd. Of course in the dream I really don't like the girl he is marrying.

So for the weekend of the wedding, I have to travel to where the wedding is taking place, and end up staying at his ex-girlfriends house, the one who I completely think he should be with. What?!

During the night there is a thunderstorm...the lights go out, when I look out the window to see if the lights are out everywhere I realize that the town has now been over run with zombies...

(don't confuse this zombie dream with the other dream I had where I wasn't wearing pants so I had to borrow some from Katie Holmes before I could go out and kick zombie ass!)

Unsure what to do about the zombies outside, I take a shower. (right I know...not sure either?!)

Then I wake up. It is 4:15 and I have to pee. Going back to sleep did not bring on any more dreams that I remember.

There really might be something wrong with me...not sure...but sub-consciously I seem to be fucked up!

Questions...

Yesterday at work we had a group team meeting over lunch. Certain things were brought to my attention at this meeting.
Such as:

1. Apparently doing a lot of really good work does not equal rewards
2. Kissing ass is really the only true way to get a head at work.
3. My co-workers are evil nasty people who prey on weakness.
4. Lies run rampant in a work environment.

So I have some questions...
Is kissing ass the only way to get a head?
Is there a place or a job where doing your work on time and doing it well will get you rewards?
Is any of this worth it? Should I just go back to bartending, a place where if you do well, people hand you money? (or stripping...a job done well also equals money in that profession!)

Cause really lately I seem to be missing the point.

On my current project I have worked my butt off, and it is my own butt that I have been working off. Not micromanaging like the grammatically incorrect co-worker does with her projects. I have understood that everyone is super busy and that they don't have time to do my work, therefore, I do my own work...but it seems that it really doesn't matter. The grammatically incorrect co-worker, is vulgar, extremely unprofessional, and doesn't do a damn bit of her own work (primarily cause she is too stupid to figure it out, she relies on everyone else to pick up her slack), yet so far this year, she got a bonus, three raises, a promotion, and just yesterday I found out she got a letter from the director of our group commending her on a job well done. Seriously what the fuck?!

Six years of service working my arse off, and I haven't gotten a raise in years...nothing, I get nothing. Damn my parents for raising me with morals and the belief that hard work will pay off. Apparently I should have been raised a spoiled brat like the grammatically incorrect co-worker, learning that if I don't want to do something, someone else will step in and do it for me.
(example: her mom lives in maryland, several hours away, when co-worker isn't feeling well, her mom drives up from maryland to help her out, you know clean her house, do her laundry, cook her food -- she is 33 years old!? holy crap, grow the hell up!) Again I say damn my parents for making me independant, teaching me to survive on my own...having my own opinions and thoughts...not kissing ass to get a head. Arugh. Being moral blows.

But on a happy note, the evil co-worker did say something that offended me yesterday and I confronted her about it. It felt good. I was very mature about the whole thing. However, she isn't talking to me today...so I am sure she is pissed at me about it. Whatever.

And I told the intern that there cannot be a 'quick' second...a second is a second...it can't be quick. This made him flustered...it was great watching him try to figure out what I meant!

So the day wasn't a total loss. Today my plan is to keep myself continuously plugged into my iPod so I can avoid almost all human contact. I am so looking forward to it!

Violated

My bike was stolen...wow that sentence really makes me feel like a loser. I am the poor pathetic kid who gets beat up by the schoolyard bully and has their bike stolen, only I am almost 30...and my bike was stolen off my back porch by what I can only assume was a juveinile deliquent. The cop just left my house, I reported it...but I waived my right to press charges should they find the person who is riding around on my kick arse bike!

It is a girls bike...seriously, the loser really must look stupid. There is always hope that it could be found, but who knows...

The worst part is that I feel violated. The bike as many of you know was parked on the back porch, right next to the back door...any one who stole the bike could look right into my house through that door.

The funny part, yes amazingly there is a funny part, Grande's bike was in front of mine, and his was not stolen, they threw it on the ground to get access to my bike. They also threw some shovels and a rake into the side of the yard.

My neighbor told us that a few weeks ago there were some delinquent teenagers 'casing' the neighborhood, apparently they were walking up and down the sides of the houses on my block. On my block there lives the township commisioner for my district, and a PO. They caught the kids and called the cops...all of this is on record. Since we just found this out, Grande is calling the cop back that was just at the house to fill him in on this latest development in the saga that is my bike theft.

Wish me luck...I will keep you all posted on any news.

Scary dreams and a random question

I have dreams almost every night that I remember, usually they are stupid, the kind where my cats talk to me, or I forget to do homework, or I miss a meeting for work, nothing really out of the ordinary. Except for last night...last nights dreams ranks up there with the horror movies where you are afraid to move cause then the scary monster hiding in the corner will see you.

Last nights dream started out normal, I was playing the music at a neighborhood party, after about a few hours (in dreamland this was only minutes), I went into a neighbors house to use the bathroom...this is the point in the dream where things take a very weird turn...

As I approach the bathroom, I can hear chanting coming out of one of the bedrooms, slowly I go towards the door only to see through the crack, the children of the neighborhood dressed up in school uniforms (none of which wear uniforms to school!), doing some kind of satanic ritual...what?! They have satanic symbols drawn all over the room in what appears to be blood. Apparently in my dream I am way braver than the real world, cause I actually go in to the room (real life I would have ran screaming!)...only to be confronted by the leader of the mini-satanic pack...she looks at me with scary dagger eyes and asks me in this creepy voice (Why did you do that Rachel?!) what I am doing in the room....

Things kind of get fuzzy from this point, but my dream ends with me chasing bad people and demons through a church...and then waking up back on my street...

Anyway, this morning I had that still shaken up from bad dream feeling, as I left my house I checked for blood on the door...
I full intend today to stay away from windows overlooking merry-go-rounds, balcolnies where I could fall after being pushed by a crazed roteweiler, and of course any kindly old couple who give me smelly antique jewelwry!
You just can't be too careful!!

On a completely different note what happened to The J. Geils Band? They had that one hit and then quickly fell off the planet? I was thinking about that driving into work this morning.

I blame Mrs. Acorn

School started this week...I am going full time, working part time. It is a hell of a lot of work trying to juggle both working and taking classes. But it will be worth it in the end!

This morning driving to work I was thinking about how I ended up in this situation...and I realized that this all goes back to Mrs. Acorn...clearly this is all her fault.

Mrs. Acorn was my elementary librarian (and also high school librarian!). In 2nd grade, my class had a project to draw and write a paper on what we wanted to be when we grew up. At this time in my life I wanted to be an astronaught. I really didn't know much about being an astronaught, I just reall wanted to see the stars and the planets. So for my project I drew a rocket, with a picture of me in the window waving and smiling (remember I was 7!), and my paper consisted of a story about wanting to see the stars and the planets, my favorite was Jupiter, and sometimes Saturn!

When Mrs. Acorn saw my picture, she laughed and patted me on the head and told me that I really should pick something a bit more girly to be when I grew up...you know like a nurse?! Huh!? I was really disappointed to hear this, but again at 7 it didn't really phase me...but of course as we all know I am not a rocket scientist...and I have never left the Earth! So obviously something that Mrs. Acorn had said had some kind of affect on me.

Now I don't solely blame Mrs. Acorn for this, but it sounds a lot better than saying I have been very indescive about my future. It is probably only about 25% of her fault...the rest was completely mine.

Anyway, at least now I am working towards my future, better late than never!

The perfect boot.

For the past few weeks, in anticipation for fall, my favorite season, I have been shopping around for a new pair of boots. My current pair of brown boots, the kind you wear with everything, I purchased a little over 2 years ago. At the time I didn't have much money (not that i do now!), so I went cheap and bought a pair of brown mid-calf mid-heel boots from Zappos. They only cost around $40.00 and have lasted much longer than I had ever thought they would.

This year I decided it was time to buy a new brown boot to wear all the time with everything. In my mind I created the perfect boot, knowing such a boot could never exist I was willing to settle for something close. Now that the skinny jean is back in style I was thinking of buying a boot that could be worn over the jean to show off the entire boot. So I was looking for something maybe a bit slouchy with some kind of cool design...

I had found a great example at Urban Outfitters, but the boot had a 4 inche heel, and that just seem absurdly tall. It would make me around 5'10" and I don't know if I am comfortable being that tall! So, I decided to pass on this boot, and continued my search...

All of this came to a screeching halt earlier today when I came across the perfect boot, but not just any boot of perfection, it was the boot of my dreams, the one that I had designed in my mind...the one I thought I would never find...the perfect boot!



Anyway...as with almost all the things I fall in love with, there is a catch...
The perfect pair of boots cost over $300.00!! Yepper, that is $300.00...of course which I don't have...and even if I did have, I would have a really hard time justifying the purchase of $300.00 boots!

So the search continues for the perfect boot part 2...the boot that I can afford! Wish me luck!!

Why do I even fucking bother...

This past week was so peaceful...big boy was out of the office...
Well, today he is back. I went into the kitchen this morning to refill my water, and there he was...

He had brought in bagels, so while cutting mine, I thanked him for them...he didn't even look at me, he responded with a 'um-hum' kind of noise...that was it...nothing else. Now of course everyone else who walked into the kitchen he was all loud and flamboyant with...fuck him.

He makes me so angry and upset. I don't know why I let him get to me, but right now my stomach is in knots and I feel like I am going to throw up...I really hate this place when he is here...if only he could be on vacation every week.

Random Thoughts of the Day

The following thoughts are things that have gone through my head through out today...seriously, I can't make this stuff up! ;-)

Thoughts while driving into work:

- The movie The Scorpion King really sucked...I couldn't even finish watching it, it was just too painful. The special effects were horrendous, my cats could create something more realistic. Wow and the acting...painful.

- Are train yards always built next to rivers?

- Yellow trucks are just ugly...there is so much yellow, it looks like a bottle of mustard exploded.


Thoughts while sitting in an Architectural Assesment Meeting:

- People handle stress in funny ways

- Why do I always seem to be the only person yawning in these things, do people actually find this shit interesting?

- I wonder if in high school/college people sit in class and day dream about their future and how exciting it will be to sit in dull meetings about the design and structure of software?

- Who cooks in my bosses house, her or her husband? She certainly wears the pants in the family, but he doesn't look like he knows how to throw together a decent meal...maybe they make the kids cook...or they go out...no, they don't look like a go out to eat as a family kind of family. I can't picture them rolling into Applebees, placing their order with Kylie the waitress, and chatting together as a family in their booth! Just seems too unnatural for them. Maybe they have a cook who does the cooking...or something like that...their house is big enough, I can see that.


Thoughts during the day:

- Most people are just really dumb...the co-worker I snapped at earlier seems to have no idea that she pissed me off less than 10 minutes ago...does she not care? Or does she care, but that kind of thing not bother her, or maybe she is planning for my demise, but is being nice to me to give me the allusion that everything is cool, therefore leading me into a false sense of security...until one day when it is dark before five, she attacks me in the parking lot as I walk to my car. Or she really just doesn't understand that I was mad at her...who knows?!

- It would be nice if I could go an entire day without having to talk to anyone in the office (with the exception of grande, i like him, i think most days he likes me too, so talking to him would be exceptable!) but the rest of these people just kind of give me a headache...an entire day ignoring them would be fun.


The day is not over yet...we have been waiting pretty much all day to hear of an early dismissal, so far there has been no word...most likely until I slip into a much welcomed coma at my desk, I will continue to have random thoughts...maybe I will leave early...put an end to this miserable day (it is grey, cloudy and rainy here today...not to mention kind of damp and cold -- of course the A/C is still on in the office, so I am freezing...).
But the good news is that it is a 3 day weekend!! Free days off are great...
Have a good weekend!