socially awkward

i have always been a bit uncomfortable in social settings. as a child i would hide behind my parents at public events, it made me feel uneasy when strange people would talk to me, so it was just easier to hide. as an adult i have not really overcome that feeling of trying to hide in public...i did however discover that with enough alcohol social situations are a piece of cake, but that often just leads to not remember things that were said, which takes my uncomfortableness to a whole new level. given all of this, it may come as a surprise that i don't really embarrass that easily. or maybe i am so adjusted to the social awkwardness that had plagued my life, that when situations that could be embarrassing happen, they seem old and tired...since they happen all the time to me.

all of this really is leading to something...

so today, i am sitting at work, having a horrendous allergy day. i had taken my glasses off to put some visine allergy eye drops in, and i was having a really difficult time getting the drops to hit my eye, instead it was just rolling down my cheeks. so here i am sitting at my desk, bent backwards looking at the ceiling trying to get the damn drops in my eyes, muttering to myself about how this isn't that difficult, why the hell do i keep missing my eyes, when a fellow co-worker stops at my desk and just stares at me. now i don't have my glasses on, so i can't see a damn thing! when i realize that he is standing there, i just shrug and say, sorry i was talking to my eye drops...he continues to stare and shakes his head walking away. sure it sounds like it would be really embarrassing...kind of like that time when i lost my balance getting out of my car in the driveway...acting as if it were intentional, or that i was practicing for a role as a stunt double...while i am quickly looking around to make sure none of the neighbors saw me (by the way this was yesterday when i got home from work!)...but really all of these things just seem very minor to me. i can laugh them off and get over the sheer humiliation of how ridiculous my life has become...i have learned to embrace and love my social awkwardness, it defines me, as the nerd that i really am.