what were they thinking?!

as i have stated in the past, i don't really like my job. aside from having some of the dumbest coworkers in existence, i also feel that at times my company isn't always heading in the right direction. some of that changed a year ago when we were purchased by a very large, very, very, very large corporation. you know the type, where you are no longer a person with a name, just another drone assigned a number...yeah that kind of company. in ways there have been great things to come from this, like 4 weeks of paid vacation a year! really who can complain about that?! most of the changes really didn't impact my work at all.

but now i am getting off the topic. so anyway, this year we were given our first official review. in the past couple of years (i have been with this company for going on 6 years!), we had half attempts at reviews. most years we didn't really even have a review. so really you always figured, if you still had a job, that you must be doing something right! i did have a review about two years ago and it was awesome! everybody loved me! there was not even ONE complaint about my work. it was really an ego boaster.

so imgine my surprise this year when our anual reviews roll around and i am an N. yes the dreaded N. my company does their reviews on an E, M, N scale. E = Exceeds, M = Meets and N = Needs (as in Needs Improvement!) what?! at first i was shocked...then i was pissed, then i was upset. it was an entire month or so of these type of emotions. i couldn't believe that i was that bad of a worker. and to top it off, there wasn't any really bad part about my review. all of the parts that i could be graded on were good, actually i received an E in most of them, or a high M....so how the hell was i an N?!

this was a question that would never be answered for me. i refused to sign my review, an act which received immediate attention from an HR rep. so there were all these meetings about me, none of which i was invited to (the only way i knew about them was by reading my supervisors calendar -- i am not sure if we are to do this or not...but i did!). anyway, so there were meetings about me, blah, blah, blah...and finally about two months after my review they came to the decision...i truly was an N! they changed my review to reflect my poor performance...this was almost worse then first receiving the N. it was such a let down...i left early that day and took the next day off. my dimwitted supervisor thought i was having some kind of allergy attack...seriously she really thought that! she had no idea how upset i was. she is no longer my supervisor......need i say more?!

so in light of all of this, my next bit o' news will come as a bit of a shocked, as it did to me this morning.
first of all, i was in a crappy, tired mood this morning, so i am dressed in trackies today! i have capri work out pants on, a work out tee shirt and a fleece. yep i look like i have spent the day at the gym! great look for work i know, but when you don't have a dress code, somedays it can be hard to find motivation to look nice.

anyway, i get into the office this morning, and i have a meeting invite from the big boss. it was for my entire team...she wanted a status update on our latest release project. okay no worries, this i can handle. the meeting went fine, no big issues. after we finished that business she went on to talk about our next big release. we (the company) for our next release are going to have our biggest client to date...it is a huge project and a lot of work! (you can probably see where i am going with this...) she assigned me to the project! what?! i didn't even know what to say. i sat there in the back of the conference room stunned, and since i know i can't mask my emotions, it had to have been pretty obvious to everyone how shocked i was! anyway, i have been assigned as the lead in my departmen for our biggest project...really what were they thinking?!

i am not sure at this point whether or not to be excited. 'grande' says i should be excited and that this is a good thing...but i still feel a bit aprehensive about rushing out to celebrate...
who knows!?